I had one of these extraordinary moments just last night when driving home from Sunday night Bible Study at my church, Calvary Chapel in Redlands, CA.

I don't usually attend the Sunday night service. I have set that time aside to be with my husband as he prepares for his work week. However, a very special friend is going through a difficult trial and I felt that she needed her girlfriends around her. My husband is a very understanding man and encouraged me to be with my friend last night as she faces her first big struggle as a newly single woman. Having gone straight from her childhood home to her married home, she has now been thrust into a world which is completely foreign and frightening to her.

 

She and I met shortly after her husband of 27 years went to be with the Lord. We got to know each other very quickly while traveling together to Charlotte, NC, to participate in a Christian writer and speaker conference. Despite our very different lives before meeting, I feel The Lord's strong hand in our young friendship.

She has been a Christian since her teenage years and married her Junior High School sweetheart at age 17. In contrast, I have only been walking strong with the Lord for one {amazing!} year. I was single until age 33; my husband was 43 and also had never been married.

 

 

The pastor spoke about Ruth and Boaz, revealing ways in which The Lord has wanted to bless my marriage of 12 years. Over the past year, I realized that I had failed miserably in showing my husband how special he is to me. It was not surprising that I also did not feel special to him. I longed to feel cherished as Boas cherished Ruth.

 

As I drove the 20 minutes home, I talked with The Lord, asking for His forgiveness and His help in becoming the woman He wanted me to be, especially in my marriage. The Lord had blessed me with a wonderful, Godly man 11 years ago. During our yearlong courtship, we were faithful in our walks. On our first date, my husband told me of his vow to remain celibate until he was married. Together, we overcame tremendous temptation. However, after our wedding day, the enemy had his way with us and we quickly got caught up in our worldly lives. Our marriage spiraled downward, away from each other and from The Lord. We were like two single people who just happened to be married. I rationalized that we were comfortable with that type of relationship because we were older and more independent when we married. It was not unusual, especially during my business travel, for us to be apart for days without speaking.

Over the past year as I've been walking strongly with the Lord, I have been trying to restore my marriage as I learn more about the wife that God wants me to be. Probably the most difficult change has been to hold my tongue even when my husband talks to me in the sharp tone that had become the norm in our relationship. For 11 years, I had not built him up or supported him. I had torn him down piece-by-piece. Now, if he speaks to me in a harsh tone, I stop to pray. I make every effort to speak to my husband as a way that the Lord would approve, not repaying harsh words with more harsh words. As I struggle with pride, this is often a very difficult thing to do and I still slip into that hurtful place. However, I have been abundantly blessed with a man who is very responsive, with a tender heart hidden just slightly behind a rough exterior, an exterior that I have negatively reinforced over 11 years.

 

My new friend has been a tremendous encourager to me. With a quiet strength and without condemnation, she counsels me about how I can take the first steps to restore and rebuild my marriage. As an equestrian committed to training up horses with a gentle touch, I am constantly reminded to control my tongue as in James 3:3 "We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth." {NLT}

 

Last night, after driving through an area without cell phone reception, I heard the familiar tone signaling me that a message had come in. As I pushed the button to retrieve the message, I hoped that it was my husband. However, I quickly dismissed the idea when I saw the time. He should have been long asleep.

 

My phone told me that the message had come in 10 minutes earlier as I was going through the cell phone hole. I burst into tears of joy as I heard my husband's voice asking if I was ok! I thanked God for showing me that my husband DID care! This may seem so simple to most married couples, but it was an extraordinary God moment to me. Many times in the past, I had been out overnight at a friend's house, my husband unaware of my whereabouts but not attempting to find me. Recalling the pain of that indifference is almost unbearable.

 

I'm certain that I broke the speed limit on the few miles back home last night. I burst into our bedroom and into my husband's arms with tears flowing down my face. He had no idea how special that simple phone call was to me, but I've made sure he does now!

Barbara Taber

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